Wrong Movie, Great Day in Bangkok

Evan Krause on Unsplash

Bob Adams stood outside of his hotel and considered what to do today. Bob was a South Carolinian who joined the Air Force so that he could scratch his traveling itch. He stood just a fraction under six feet with a slim athletic build maintained with a daily regimen of running, transcendental meditation, and alternate days of weightlifting. Bob was taking leave in Bangkok from the air base where he was stationed in Nakhom Phanom (NKP); officially a Royal Thai Air Force (RTAF) Base that was shared with the United States Air Force (USAF). Nestled in the northeastern corner near the border with Laos, it was a beautiful section of the country, more like his home in the US than not.

He had gotten onto a C-130 Hercules from NKP to Don Muang RTAF base outside of Bangkok, the capital of Thailand. He had leave to burn, and a nice cache of money to spend. Disembarking the aircraft, and checking through the American desk, he headed out of the terminal to get a taxi. There, he found himself in a near-melee of taxi drivers all shouting and trying to grab at his duffel. Pulled this way and that, and not having enough language skills to understand any single one of them, Bob waded through the crowd until he noticed one of the drivers who was quieter and more reserved than the others. This guy stood out like a sore thumb in that crowd of yellers and grabbers. Bob made his way over to the more reserved driver and asked his name.

“William, sir.” the young man offered. That was enough for Adams, if it would only get him away to a saner place. Bob crooked his thumb at William hoping he understood that he was hired. Many Americans find out the hard way that our hand gestures can mean something very insulting in another culture; William seemed to take no umbrage, gesturing to let him take the duffle.

Bob Adams berated himself that he had not foreseen the incident with the crowd of drivers. After all, he had had much the same experience getting off the bus from NKP in town. There, he was mobbed by children shouting for handouts, trying to lift a GI’s watch and wallet; the samlor drivers all vying with one another for fares. So, it should have occurred to him, he thought, that if Bangkok was so much larger than NKP, then the attendant hassles would have a similar increase.

William led Bob to a late-model Toyota sedan. William was certainly not his real name, but many Thais adopted Anglo-type names to ease communication with these farangs (foreigners). William loaded Bob’s duffle into the trunk while Bob slid into the rear seat. The car was exceptionally clean, cool, and smelled of floral air freshener.

“Where you like to go?” inquired William as he eased the car into the airport traffic.

“I’m staying for a week”, replied Bob, “Do you know a nice hotel in the city?”

“I know a number one place, you like.” William smiled at him in the rear-view mirror. Bob did not know this guy or his way around but picked up a good vibe, so he agreed to see where William wanted to take him.

Those of us, readers, who have been “fortunate” enough to ride in Bangkok traffic without sedation, know it to be a hair-raising experience. There seems like there are about a million cars going in whatever direction they randomly choose at high speed. There are traffic police on pedestals in crossing streets, but their hand signals and gyrations seem to bear no significance on what is actually happening.

Even though he was graced with both a calm composure and an ability to face risk, Bob still had a few thrilling momen6ts during the cab ride into town. He would grow no more used to it as the week progressed. The car careened off the main artery onto a much quieter side street, then pulled under the canopy of a white, sparkling, five-story building. William turned in his seat.

“This the Sweetheart Hotel. You like and stay, I will be your driver for the whole week, one price.”

“You mean your price or hotel price?”

“No, you pay me private taxi, you pay the hotel to stay.”

Bob strolled into the lobby with William right behind carry the duffle. What he found was very pleasant and clean, like the façade. The room rate, as most prices in Thailand, were extremely reasonable, as was the rate that William offered. Checking into his room on the fourth floor, he found that he was on the front side with a view overlooking the grounds of some embassy. Bob didn’t recognize the flag and soon lost interest. Whoever stayed there apparently stayed inside.

He lay down on the bed with the wall-mounted television set at the foot. Flipping through the channels, he found an old episode of Bonanza dubbed in Thai. This never failed to get a laugh from GIs, hearing Hoss Cartwright or John Wayne speaking in a higher toned voice using lightning-quick bursts of Thai. In fact, movies of every stripe were huge hits with GIs. One of Bob’s favorite types were the Chinese fables and myths that played Thai movie theaters weekly. The frankly cheesy special effects were a hoot, and since fables have a universal quality to them, the stories were actually not hard to follow.

After a nap, Bob dressed and decided to go find some grub. He’d slept longer than intended, so the hotel restaurant was closed for the evening, and he really was not a big fan of room service anywhere. Bob walked up the street to the main road, almost immediately finding an open-air Thai restaurant. He purchased a dish of khao phat (stir-fried rice) with a side of cucumber slices and a cold Singha beer, the local brew. Sated and relaxed, he watched the people go by in front of the food stand until he felt like sleeping again.

Bob awoke, headed to the shower, and then dressed for the day. His normal daily wear consisted of sandals, shorts, and dashiki. While dressing, he went over to the large window, peered down until he saw William polishing and cleaning his car, prepping for the day. Deciding to hire William for the week had been one of his better decisions because he never had to search for a ride.

After his breakfast of papaya, toast, and coffee, Bob went to the front of the Sweetheart to get William and get going on his day.

“Good morning, William, sawatdee krap (pronounced “cop”). William made a salaam and replied with the same phrase, which means Good Morning.

“Everything ready?” Bob asked, even though he knew all was ready.

The interior of the car was cool, especially in the warm, humid Bangkok air, and Bob settled back did his best to ignore the whizzing autos that seemed to make every miss razor thin. Bob told William to take him to the best floating market, so, the first stop was the famous Khlong Lat Mayom Floating Market, where he paid to ride in one of the low-slung boats that plied up and down the canal.

The banks were crowded with markets, souvenir shops, and food vendors. The businesses even spread onto the water where farmers offered their fresh crops, cooking took place on the boats as well with vendors tending flaming woks, permeating the air with savory cooking aromas mixed with wood or charcoal smoke. All of these mixed with the scents of thousands of flowers sold by the floral boats to create an intoxicating atmosphere. Bob toured this market for a couple of hours, while William occupied himself at the dock.

After the market, William suggested the Royal Palace, which was a drive to another dock on the Chao Phraya River. Bob agreed and began to convince William to accompany him this time. The young Thai politely refused three times citing his duty as a hired driver. Finally, he agreed because he had never seen the sights of the Royal Palace himself; they rented a water taxi and set off down the river.

Approaching the complex from the water offered a truly breathtaking sight of towers sheathed in gold; stylized warrior statues ring one of the towers as if holding the roof on the upraised hands. Decorative stone and woodwork with a multitude of colors and highlights gave the complex a dazzling, fantastical appearance. Inside, after climbing a magnificent set of steps, there were many buildings, most were for tourists, but some were still-functioning government offices.

The inner rooms of the temples encouraged an awe-inspired quiet as William and Bob moved by the numerous statues of the Buddha, especially the Emerald Buddha with his golden cloak fastened around his neck and trailing gracefully down to cover his feet. Although only a foot and a half tall, it was nevertheless the most loved and revered image of the Buddha in the country. This is because it is carved from a single piece of jade and has been the guardian of the country for nearly two hundred years. As they walked through the splendor of the royal treasures, William explained what he had been taught of his culture and history.

After a couple of hours, they decided to leave the palace, go back upriver, and reclaim the car. William drove away from that area, while Bob relaxed and looked out at the passing activities of Bangkok. Suddenly, his eye widened, he leaned forward.

“Stop right here, William!”

What he had seen was one of those marvelous movie ads where an artist had depicted a scene from the movie approximately ten feet tall, and this was one he had really anticipated. Doc Savage was to be based on the pulp stories that he had devoured as a teenager, about a golden-hued scientific genius and his band of equally talented followers. The vividly portrayed main character was standing over the entrance, and another movie was advertised next to it. Bob paid no attention to the other ad, even though it was every bit as large. This would prove critical to Bob’s movie experience today.

“Okay, I’ve gotta see this movie!” he told William, “Come on and go with me.”

“No thank you, I have some things to do, but I will be here in two hours. Promise!”

Bob went inside to get a ticket and was immediately confused. The two theaters were both labeled in Thai (duh), which he could not read, and attempting to get the ticket sellers to point him into the correct movie seemed hopeless. After repeating the title Doc Savage several times, one of the young ladies directed him to the one on the right.

Making his way into the small theater, he found a set as near to the middle as he could. After about a ten-minute wait, the lights darkened further, and the official seal of the king was on the screen accompanied by the Thai national anthem. This was commonplace as every movie that he had attended in Thailand started exactly the same. He stood to show his respect as did the rest of the audience.

Settling back into his seat, the screen lit again and the movie started without any coming attractions. Adams was puzzled by what he saw. Apparently, there was no title sequence, the film just jumped to a group of American kids in a van, bickering back and forth. To further confuse Adams, the soundtrack was in what sounded like Chinese with Thai subtitles scrolling across the bottom of the screen. In this cinematic chaos, the van stops at a dilapidated farmhouse that also seems abandoned.

Over the next hour, Adams was subjected to a constant stream of violence, gore, and creative murder. Walking dazedly out onto the street, Bob could only think, what the fuck was that? Looking up, he saw that the sign he had ignored was the one for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre which went on to make a ton of money and be hailed as a horror classic. Doc Savage was laughably panned universally and sank out of sight without a trace.