When Enthusiasm Fails
- Rob McManus
- Dec 12, 2019
- 3 min read

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash
Metamorphosis - Documenting Change
The Winter of My Discontent Will Become A Glorious Summer
R.N. McManus
I find myself in a season of disaffection, a winter of discontent (Richard III !), and it has discolored almost every experience or action that I have come to depend upon to effect this metamorphosis that I am documenting. Where did it originate? Some recent events have interrupted my workouts, but this malaise has spread to my scripture and secular studies, too. That means I have not read any scriptures for at least two weeks; I have abandoned my studies of Romans and Revelation; similarly, I haven’t cracked my courses on blockchain and nutrition. No walking regularly nor stretching.
My baggage trails me until I learn to deal with it.
I have fought with depression, especially after my stroke years ago, but I’ve been on medication for that. Besides, I am generally a pretty happy fellow. So, what gives? Thinking through this, I am leaning in the direction of fear of success. More specific, fear that the physical transformation coupled with the deepening of knowledge will not result in a better person. Why? As Jon Zabat-Zinn titled a book on mindfulness (another thing for which I have strong affection), Wherever You Go, There You Are meaning to me my baggage trails me until I learn to deal with it.
The Urges To Quit Must Be Fought And Defeated
The idea of old beliefs refusing to leave can also be seen in the writings of Paul the Apostle where he admonishes us to cast off the old self because the new self has been given as we came to believe in the transformative power of the cross. My problem lies in the existence of the “old” man, the spiritually unfree version that will plague me as long as I remain in the flesh. Still, the urges to resort to my old ways - slothfulness, procrastination, lack of self-worth, etc. - must be fought and overcome. How? That is where I am at this writing. How, indeed?
First, adjusting my expectations of where this all will take me. Reality demands that I acknowledge that all of these actions - exercise, study, prayer - will not result in my becoming suave and debonair (that’s “swave and deboner” to Barney Fife); no, my personality and sociability are what they are today, forged over the decades of my life. The results of the working and praying include better stability, more vibrancy for life every day, more humility and a deeper appreciation for what I do have.
Now, it could be asked how I know that these changes are in fact occurring. What gives me the idea that these goals are achievable? Simple, I am not working towards a goal. I am doing the work. I am putting my nose to the grindstone, trusting in the process and that the desired outcomes are happening because the process, the grindstone, the Tao, whatever I choose to call it inevitably leads to the success of the actions taken, the refusal to give up completely, to overcome setbacks is the key to all of these actions.
Approach the Wheel and Make It Go
There will certainly be plateaus and setbacks, in the daily practices just as I am stuck in now. Again, the key is to resume, take up the fight, do it even if I don’t feel as if I can. To make the efforts, knowing that to trust the process is enough day-to-day. I do not think in terms of months or even weeks, I just approach the wheel and make it turn relentlessly, never acknowledging its mastery, always being the one who controls my individual actions.
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